I Ask for Consent

What is Consent?

  • When someone gives consent, they’re giving permission for something to happen or agreeing to do something.
  • This means they need to know specifically what they’re agreeing to-so make sure what you’re asking is clear.
  • For example: “Do you want to mess around for a while? Like cuddling and making out but not having sex?”

When and How to Ask for Consent

  • Always ask for consent before you begin any sexual activity , including kissing, cuddling, and any kind of sex-even if you partner consented in the past.
  • Ask in a way that makes it clear it would be okay if they said “no” – otherwise you might be pressuring them to do something they don’t want to do.
  • For example: “Do you want to go back to the bedroom or hang out here and watch movies?”

What is not Consent?

  • Your partner may not tell you “no”, but that doesn’t mean they’re saying “yes”.
  • If someone says nothing, “um….I guess”, or an unsure “yes,” they’re likely communicating that they don’t really want to do the thing you’re asking about.
  • In these cases, you don’t have clear consent.  Check in with your partner about how they’re feeling – or suggest another activity.
  • For example: “You seem unsure, so why don’t we just watch TV tonight?”

Non-Verbal Cues

  • Pay attention to your partner’s body language.
  • If they pull away, tense up, look uncomfortable, laugh nervously, or are quiet or not responding, you should check in.
  • For example: “You don’t seem too into this. Do you want to stop or take a break?”

Digital Consent

Sharing Online

  • Ask your partner how they feel about you sharing and tagging photos of them and posting about your relationship online.
  • Find out if they’d like to see what you’re posting first, or maybe they’re okay with you sharing without asking every time.
  • For example: “I love this picture from our last date. Is it OK if i post it to Instagram?”

Sexting

  • Sexting means sending sexual photos, videos, or messages from your phone or computer.
  • Not everyone feels comfortable sexting, and that’s okay- there are good reasons to have concerns about sharing a private image.
  • It’s never okay to send unwanted sexts- even to a long-term partner.
  • If your partner is okay with sexting, ask them before you send anything.
  • For example: “I’d love to show you exactly how I’m feeling – can I send you a pic?”

Picture Pressure

  • Just like any other kind of sex, digital sexual interactions should feel exciting, comfortable and safe for everyone involved.
  • If someone says “no” to sending a nude photo, respect their choice and move on.
  • Never pressure, coerce, or guilt someone to send photos – especially nude photos.
  • For example: “That’s cool – I can’t wait for our date on Saturday!”

Consent Violations

  • If someone shares a nude photo with you, don’t share it with anyone.
  • Sharing intimate photos with someone they weren’t meant for is a violation of trust and could be illegal.
  • It is also a crime to store or share sexual photos of someone under 18, even if you are also under 18.

Dealing with the “No”

  • Sometimes your partner will say “no,” and that’s okay.
  • Reassure them that you’re glad they can be honest with you.
  • For example: “That’s okay; maybe we could do that some other time.”

Why Consent Matters

  • Talking about what your partner wants to do ensures sex is consensual and makes it more enjoyable.
  • You’ll feel more confident about what you’re doing, and your partner will feel comfortable getting close to you.

Source: National Sexual Violence Resource Center

www.nsvrc.org/saam  #SAAM  #IASK